A Reeeaaally Unexpected Question
by alythia
Summary: Vash asks Wolfwood a reeeeaaaally unexpected and INTERESTING question. What would our corrupted preacher's reaction be? XD sequel to A Tasty Treat. Rated as precaution. :P


Disclaimer: These characters are _mine_! _MINE_, I tell you! Muahahahaha— _(BANG!)_

_(Wolfwood blows away the smoke at the nuzzle of his gun with the utmost coolness)_ "Like hell we're yours. You can't even write me doing _him_ properly!" _(SMACK!) (the camera zooms at Vash, who just strike Wolfwood on the head with the preacher's Punisher)_ "Hey! You shouldn't be killing anyone! Now look what you've done..." _(pauses to think over of what Wolfwood said before) _"…and what didja mean 'doing him'? Doing what, and to whom…?"

_(Vash's puzzled expression was so cute, both Wolfwood and the – already died – author swooned. Wolfwood seeming a little red on the face; and that ain't because of the weather, mind you) _ "Doing IT with YOU, of course." _(Vash blinked. Repeatedly; very puppy-like)_ "With me? Doing what?" _(and cocks his head like a confused puppy. Heh, _cocks_) (Wolfwood smiles predatorily) _"Want me to give you hands-on demonstration? In our room, that is." "You would? Thanks, man!" "…no, Thank _YOU_…"

_(Wolfwood cackles all the way to their shared bedroom, while Vash innocently rants away about Guys' Night In, and what they should do to spend the night; which did not synchronize with Wolfwood not-innocent-at-ALL line of thought, that he is conveniently keeping to himself until they get on their bed) (the soul of author sweatdrops, and kinda worries for Vash's chastity…) _

_(the author's ghost – which also came with the white triangle thingie on her forehead – beckons at the readers)_ Okay, before those evil lawyers come with an equally evil lawsuit, I disclaim the characters I'm using I this fic. …not that I have anything to give away, though… _(waves semi-transparent hand dismissively)_

A/N: This little particular WxV bunny was replacing its kicked-out-of-the-window bunny friend. Constantly pulling and chewing at my hair, I just _can't ignore it_. It took me TWO friggin YEARS to get my usually short hair resting just between my shoulder blades. No. Way. In. Hell. I'm gonna let a fucking plot bunny gnawin' on 'em! _(fume)(fume)_

As promised, I give you… (drums rolls dramatically) the sequel of 'A Tasty Treat'! XD …Two months _IS_ a very _long_ time to edit a one-shot… _(sweat)_

Please read! I hope that this un-beta-ed story can be as amusing to you guys as I hope it would. (I CANNOT let innocent little Alaena-san beta this fic! She's sooo pure! Uwaaaan! TxT) Flamers are always welcomed. Douse me with liquid hydrogen, and set me aflame. I can't care less. I'm a very dense person. X3

By the way, there are no spoilers in this fic. Just it's in mangaverse, where Wolfwood and Millie are only good friends. _(shrugs)_

Oh yeah. This is just a bit of rambling between Wolfwood and Vash. About a very interesting detail at hand. A naughty humor story for your enjoyment, and my salvation. XD

--------------------------------

**A Reeeaaally Unexpected Question **

--------------------------------

"Naa, Wolfwood. Wanna have sex?"

I gaped ludicrously at him. My crooked cigarette fell onto the floor, totally forgotten of its existence.

That was one statement that I thought I'd NEVER hear from the seemingly innocent-to-the-very-core Tongari.

…… I was very sure that I'LL be the one saying it to him dammit!

He continued to look at me with these ridiculously pure and curious eyes, like someone who was only asking about the weather.

That was SOOOO not a question to ask while lounging crossed-leg on the double bed of our hotel room – OUR SHARED double BED, I tell you! – wearing only a sleeveless shirt and knee-long sweat pants. Given, that one glance of his scars would frighten anyone, but I have this philosophy that scars are SEXY. Coz my own injuries – no matter how bad they get – would heal away, with no indications of after-marks whatsoever, so I am VERY interested of other people's scars. Especially, HIS.

Scars. Bolts. Grates. Metal plates. On every exposed skin of his body. When I first seen them I was horror-struck. Seeing him kneeling in front of desert bandits, absolutely naked, doing the doggie dance, I was aroused.

I was horror-struck because I found myself getting aroused seeing all the disfigurement on his body!

…but BELIEVE me, he does have a really NICE figure, if you forget all the wound-marks on his body.

Like if you walk behind him, you'd see this really sexy swagger of his hips. Even with all those irritating flowing red body suit of his, I can still _SEE_ the swagger. There were a few times when he just stood there, in a very _beguiling_ way where his hips just jutted out like posing cat-walk models. Even if he didn't notice it, he could be really… _(gulp)_ …enticing….

"—orld to Wolfwood…!"

Huh? The broom-head (…not LITERALLY a broom-head right now. He just took a bath, and his hair was flat on his face, framing his handsome visage. Which made him look a bit feminine. …and delectable…) was waving his hand in front of me, trying to gain my attention. Not that it was necessary. He got ALL of my attention ALL the time, even in my sleep… (last night, I had a very _arousing_ dream involving a very _sensuous_ blonde _licking_ and _sucking_…)

Tongari harrumphed. "As I was saying, why not we have sex? We have known each other for what? Four years?"

"…and on what stand?"

"Becoz we are best friends, that's why!" he told me eagerly, grinning the stupid smile of his.

…that's all? Just because we're friends…?

I gazed deep into his clear turquoise orbs, seeing lust and innocence lurking and dancing together in their depths, making him look much more _appealing_...

"Explain."

…… I'm one REALLY stupid guy who was trying to delay a very GOOD thing from happening…

The airhead looked over his head, with his pointer finger on his lips, pondering on an appropriate answer. By leaning to his back on his prosthetic arm, he was exposing more of those well-muscled and luscious limbs. I can just nosebleed right there, right then. The offer of sex didn't help me in my semi-aroused state right now…

He answered me in this contemplative pout of his, "Umm… coz we've been together for quite some time already. You seemed to accept me for who I am. Wasn't concerned of the… deformity of my body. And we've been in battles together all the time! You wouldn't be at my side all the time if you don't like me right?"

Oh. Don't worry. I like you very, VERY much.

"And I really like you, too! So what's so bad about a few ruts here and there?" he finished his explanation, meeting my gaze with his, flashing a shiny grin to top it off.

…Seriously?

He'd have sex with me just because we were acquaintance for a couple of years, traveled and fought side by side, and that he really liked me?

I leaned back onto my chair, asking one certain matter that was nagging in my head:

"So you have sex all the time?"

Vash answered with that silly grin of his, "Naah. Most of my friends didn't like to see too much of my skin. But there were a few that didn't mind, though. Got a taste of every one of them. Or several tastes, if you'd count how many times I had sex with them. This is one really fun way to spend free time!"

So he did have sex more than a couple of times. Which meant that he'd be VERY experienced in the art of loving… Somehow this little detail was extremely stimulating.

"Even though girls are more responsive than guys, doing it with another guy really is much more exciting! I like being the bottom, you see. There's this one place that needs some touching too, where a girl will _never_ be able to get to, if you get the picture…" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, spreading his legs wider, making himself more comfortable on the bed; _not_ even _trying_ to look innocent.

Somehow, I can't remove my eyes from his still-covered groin.

"It's not that I'm particularly horny right now. But we're here; on a really comfy bed, with some lotion in the bathroom that we can use as lube. That's all we need for an all-nighter humping, right?"

All-nighter humping… all-nighter humping… all-nighter humping… that particular sentence kept repeating itself in my head.

He looked at me with this sultry, imploring gaze… "Well, you're in or not?"

My resolves were shot to hell.

"Of—"

"Mr. Vash! We found this really nice bar down the street from here! Wanna join us? …Ara? What are you doing on the floor, Mr. Priest?"

Really, big insurance chick, you have the worst sense of timing to barge into this room.

"Really? Sure, I'd love to!"

Hey! Shouldn't we be doing the all-nighter-humping right now?

In no time flat, Tongari donned his drinking outfit; casual buttoned-up shirt, a ridiculous brown vest, and a pair of jeans, along with a silly striped piece of cloth tied on his head. Oh yeah, almost like the one he wore at Sky City.

He was about to leave the room, when he glanced back at me. "Doncha wanna join us, Wolfwood? This is going to be so much fun! We haven't been drinking in a bar for almost five months now; there must be a new variety of drinks for us ta sample tonight…"

I didn't budge from my place on the floor. I raised my hand, waving a 'No. Just go.'

He hesitated for a moment, but beaming with delight none the less. "You sure? We'll bring back some good booze for ya then! See ya later, man!"

With that, he happily left me, joining the insurance girls to the freakin' bar.

Leaving me with a freakin' hard-on to deal with by myself.

I slowly retracted my face from kissing the floor any longer than necessary (not that it'd make a very good replacement for the long-gone-with-the-meddlesome-insurance-girls Tongari…), I wobbled all the way to the bathroom, wondering if the cute idiot PURPOSELY wanted to leave me like this in the first place.

Fuck the fact that I'm a priest. There is really no God in this world…

But I was sure of ONE thing. One step into this room, that naughty little airhead would get the best – and longest – humping ever. I'd _PERSONALLY_ make sure of that.

But first things first. This boner was really killing me.

--------------------------------

A/N (continued) : Waaat? _(the author blinks at the skeptical readers innocently)_

Well…You really think that Vash would be as innocent as he looks? Being the socialite that he is, is there ANY chance for him to be the pure-hearted guy that everyone says he is? Huh? HUUUH?

Hmm… do ya guys think this little ficlet? Kinda fun, huh? Do you think Vash was IC, or is he waaaay too OOC? I _was_ careful bout keeping him IC throughout this fic. Just changing the stereotype innocent-Tongari into a _soooo_-not-innocent Vash. Hu fu fu fu… X3 And waddaya think bout Wolfwood's POV? I dun really understand much about this character, so forgive me if I wrote him out as OOC… T.T

Duncha just gotta love Millie? I really like her lively nature! So, like in 'A Tasty Treat', I'm more inclined to use her than the other insurance girl. _(grins)_

…I just hope Knives won't kill me for this… ha ha ha… hah… _(sweats) (looks over shoulders nervously for the psychotic, brother-complex Plant…) _

Gimme feedbacks, kay! Thankiez! XD

Until my next fic! X3


End file.
